Left (Big) Behind
Posted on | April 18, 2005 at 1:03 pm | 5 Comments
A television series currently airing is about the End of Days as prophesized in the bible. It’s all about the Dark Times, the Evil Times, the Four Horseman trampling over everything that is good and right in the world. Every inch of this show oozes pure horror. You want to take your eyes from the screen, but some demonic force won’t let you. It is so repugnant that you feel just having it on in the house will make you go to hell. The name of that series is??? Fat Actress.
The season finale of this awful show is tonight. Thankfully, there have only been about 6 episodes in this first (and hopefully) only season. As often happens with shows on Showtime that want to be HBO shows, Fat Actress would like to be Curb Your Enthusiasm. However, it doesn’t even manage to be Arli$$. And Kirstie Alley is certainly not Larry David. The show stars Kirstie playing “herself” as an overweight, ditzy, emotionally-stunted, man-crazy media whore bimbo. I’m giving her the benefit of the doubt and not assuming she’s like that in real life. No one could be. It’s supposedly done in the pseudo-improv style of CYE, and this time I actually believe it. A line of dialog rarely has a connection to the previous or next line. The plots meander around and then eventually disappear into the mist, at which point the episode ends.
It’s hard for me to describe just how over-the-top this show is. One episode had Kirstie hiring a large group of midgets to eternally dance with her at her house, in an effort to “think herself small” or some such by being around small people. Another had her crack-addicted brother (played by Christopher McDonald in somewhat of a departure for him) show up in an effort to get everyone hooked on crack (because it helps with weight loss among other things). Last week’s episode had Kirstie dating an older billionaire (who gave her the Hope Diamond) who couldn’t stop crying at inappropriate times. It ended when he dumped Kirstie because she was too “emotionally needy”. That episode also started out with Kirstie on an extended whining/crying jag (a show staple) that was so annoying I wanted to throw my PSP at the TV.
Kirstie has two attendants, a male assistant named Eddie, played by someone who looks familiar but I can’t quite place, and a female hairdresser named Kevyn played by Rachel Harris, whom I know only from VH1’s Best Week Ever. They are basically there to tell Kirstie how great she is and to get involved in her harebrained schemes (they are the Ethyls to Kirstie’s Lucy). Rachel manages to be funny sometimes, but I think that’s in spite of the material. The show also has some recurring guest stars, like Miyam Bialak of 90’s sitcom Blossom fame, who plays Kirstie’s hostile next door neighbor Miyam Bialak. The only time I’ve laughed watching this show is when Kirstie answers the door and says “Hello, Blossom“. Blossom has not done so well in the weight department herself, and the scenes where she is having sex with Eddie kinda creep me out. And L. Ron Hubbard himself must’ve come back from the dead to order John Travolta to appear on this show.
So why have I watched every episode of Fat Actress if it’s so bad? One of those train wreck things, I guess. It also helps that it’s on Monday night, when the only other show I watch is 24. But I’ll be glad when it’s gone. Please make it be gone.
Latre.
Comments
5 Responses to “Left (Big) Behind”
April 18th, 2005 @ 1:44 pm
Wouldn’t you be better off watching Office Space for the 287th time, or jamming a spoon up your ass ala Lewis Black? If they can’t even make the promos be funny, it bodes ill for the series as a whole. Though naturally I now feel compelled to watch an episode on In Demand, “just to see”.
April 18th, 2005 @ 1:48 pm
Rachael Harris was, very briefly, a correspondent on “The Daily Show.”
April 18th, 2005 @ 2:19 pm
Well, I play my PSP at the same time, so the time is not a total loss.
April 18th, 2005 @ 11:53 pm
My God man, read a book! The TV doesn’t have to be on 24/7.
April 19th, 2005 @ 9:00 am
I can’t read and play video games at the same time, though I am working on it.