I’m A Bad Friend
Posted on | August 8, 2005 at 8:33 pm | 5 Comments
Yes, I’m a bad friend. All my friends out there know it. I do heinous things to you every day. There’s no other explanation for my behavior. It’s not because I’m slighting you or disrepecting you, it’s just the way that I am. Okay, maybe I’m disrepecting you a little bit, but that’s just because you deserve it. And why do I think you deserve it? Because I’m a bad friend. Still unsure about how bad a friend I am? Check out this checklist:
- I make you try sushi against your objections, because I’m a bad friend.
- I don’t respond to your e-mails right away, because I’m a bad friend.
- I intentionally mispronounce the word “Chipotle” in front of you, because I’m a bad friend.
- I make jokes about burning down your better-than-mine home theater, because I’m a bad friend.
- I refuse to lend you money, because I’m a bad friend.
- I badmouth Richard Dean Anderson of Stargate SG-1, because I’m a bad friend.
- I don’t laugh at your inane jokes, because I’m a bad friend.
- I refuse to hang out with you at a bar I don’t like, because I’m a bad friend.
- I do business with your competitor instead of you, because I’m a bad friend.
- I spoil the current episode of Six Feet Under (or some other show) for you, because I’m a bad friend.
- I encourage you to get up off your butt and do things, because I’m a bad friend.
- I make fun of the way you drive, because I’m a bad friend.
- I refuse to listen to that one song, watch that one movie or TV show, or read that one book you really, really like, because I’m a bad friend.
- I disagree with, or refuse to listen to, your opinions on politics, religion or sports, because I’m a bad friend.
- I prefer not to be around you when you’ve been drinking too much, because I’m a bad friend.
- I refuse to shave my hairy chest, because I’m a bad friend.
That’s just scratching the surface. I’m sure a poll would reveal even more bad friend behavior. Really, I don’t know why you people even put up with me.
Next up: I’m a bad co-worker
After that: I’m a bad relative
Latre.
Comments
5 Responses to “I’m A Bad Friend”
August 9th, 2005 @ 12:05 am
You have a hairy chest? No, really?
August 9th, 2005 @ 1:21 am
Maybe you’re a bad blogger ‘cos you post while drunk?
Or maybe you just have a huge self-imposed structure of funny notions about what “friend” means. But I’m thinking it’s the first one.
(Hey, remember that time you visited me in the hospital and didn’t bring a bottle, keg, or even a pizza?)
August 9th, 2005 @ 7:47 am
I think the chest thing belongs in the “I’m a bad lover” category.
August 9th, 2005 @ 7:59 am
Ben, there was no drinking involved with this post. And actually, I did bring a keg, but Security confiscated it.
August 9th, 2005 @ 10:47 am
hairy chest…i can’t fathom it!!! eerrrkkk…now i will not be able to look you in the eye next time i see you….
here’s one ya forgot…
“I give you reallly old outdated issues of entertainment weekly’s because IM a bad friend”…..hee hee heee heee mwahahahahahahahahaha…
good psot rog..im guessing why….