You Betta You Betta You Bet
Posted on | June 4, 2008 at 8:01 am | 2 Comments
Hello. Flasshe can’t come to the blog right now, so I’m doing a little guest blogging for him. Let me introduce myself. My name is Spike and I’m a Siamese Fighting Fish. (BTW, InfK and Fahey named their progeny after me.) I’m dead and in Pet Heaven, along with Flasshe’s dog Watney. Flasshe was my master back when I was alive on the earthly plane. I passed away a couple of years ago after a long and fruitful life. I lived to be over four years old, which Flasshe thought was pretty rare for one of my breed. Flasshe was so broken up over my passing that he still hasn’t replaced me.
I just wanted to talk about what a great pet owner Flasshe was. He never once raised his voice to me or beat me with a newspaper. He always fed me on time and frequently gave me a bloodworm snack as well as the typical betta-food pellets. He cleaned out my tank once a week, including washing out the rocks. I always had clean water and a full tank. He only spilled me on the floor once or twice. He didn’t let Watney eat me. Sometimes when he was gone for awhile, he would leave the TV on the HD Demo channel, which was always showing aquarium scenes. That was a nice break from all the pornography and science fiction shows.
Sure, sometimes he would play cruel tricks on me, like holding up a mirror to my tank so that I would think another betta was invading my turf, making me go into a frenzy. But you know, I did need the exercise and that let me get some testosterone out. And I did get a little tired of him throwing the controller around in frustration when playing video games, but I realize he needed to get his testosterone out too.
And he never introduced me to any female betta’s, which was kind of a bummer.
Looking down here from heaven, it’s good to see that Flasshe has gotten his life together. Having a steady girlfriend has changed him in ways I never imagined. He seems more happy and relaxed. He’s actually learning to be better at conservation (something us fish are big on). Why, now he hardly ever uses a paper towel when a cloth one will do. And he eats a lot more spinach and fried eggs than he used to. I think he’s even drinking less beer. But he still needs to do something about getting rid of that huge comic book collection in the basement. At least he’s actively working on getting it all organized.
So, I suppose you all want to know what it’s like up here in Pet Heaven? Sorry, but I can’t reveal that. One thing I can say is that the high speed Internet access up here is awesome! I’m not sure about the exact connection speed, but I do know that it’s several times faster than anything you have down there on Earth. And that includes upload as well as download speeds! I have to say that the parties are a little dull though – the Talking Heads were right.
Ulp, gotta go! Lassie and Tin Tin are about to get into another dogfight, and I don’t want to miss that!
Later.
Pet Peeve of the Day: When people tap on the side of the tank to get your attention. Don’t think I don’t already know you’re there!
Comments
2 Responses to “You Betta You Betta You Bet”
June 4th, 2008 @ 7:55 pm
Spike..I really needed a laugh today and you gave me one. Many, actually. Thanks, and if you see my dead cat Monster anywhere, tell him howdy. No need to fear him, though. He lost most of his teeth years ago!
June 7th, 2008 @ 11:00 pm
That’s Gil! I think you made the ghost of Spike very happy.
Spike says that Monster got all his teeth back in Pet Heaven. Probably got some other things back as well.